Chapter 754: Opportunity (2)
I blinked. The back of my head throbbed as if I’d taken a solid hit, but I felt strangely numb. Like I’d been drugged.
“Are you doing this on purpose right now?”
My voice came out calmer than I expected.
“Because the Transcendents will come after you? If you’re saying that just to push me away from you, then—”
Seong Hyunjae didn’t answer. Instead, he looked at me with a faintly pitying expression that felt almost staged. Like he was looking at something young and pathetic.
I shut my mouth. My chest tightened, and I opened it again. My mind kept spitting thoughts at me, none of them the answer I wanted.
“…You wouldn’t bother with something so obvious if all you wanted was to push me away. You know perfectly well that if you tried to force me back because it was dangerous, I’d just dig my heels in harder.”
If Seong Hyunjae wanted distance, acting cold to drive me off was too shallow, too transparent. It wasn’t his style.
Then why?
My mouth was slowly going dry. It was hard to meet those unfamiliar, level eyes.
“I know I let my guard down. I know I screwed up. Honestly, I don’t even know how to fix this anymore.”
“It’s no longer something Han Yujin needs to worry about.”
“Right now, I—”
The shout caught in my throat.
My arms and legs kept going weak. I didn’t even have the strength to grab him by the collar and demand what kind of bullshit he was talking about. Truthfully, I didn’t have the right to, either.
At some point, my gaze had dropped to the floor.
Don’t tell me now. And yet… he was always someone who could turn away whenever he chose. This must have been how everyone else had felt too. Trust and doubt tangled together until I couldn’t tell them apart.
My head spun. I took a step back.
Seong Hyunjae just watched me.
A sudden urge hit me to run.
‘…I’m not special.’
There was no reason for Seong Hyunjae to keep looking only at me. If he lost interest, he could leave whenever he wanted, the way he always had with everyone else. And if that moment was now, it wouldn’t be strange at all.
That was the kind of person he was.
Honestly, I’d always known this day might come.
I felt stupidly sad. In the middle of all that helplessness, one thought kept circling back over and over.
Avoid this.
If I turned around right now and walked out that door, someone would comfort me.
“…”
Maybe this was just what had always been coming.
“…No. I.”
I raised my head again.
His quiet, settled golden eyes hurt to look at.
“Even so, I still think you’re a good person, Seong Hyunjae.”
Instead of running, I said it.
I’d doubted him. Maybe I was even a little afraid of him. But still, there was everything we’d been through together.
“And I think… at least where I’m concerned, I’m the exception.”
I gripped my trembling fingers tight.
“We’ve been through all kinds of insane things together. I don’t know how you see it, but I’m allowed to think that. I’m allowed to think that maybe, at that point… it means I’m someone special to you.”
My throat burned.
I wondered if I looked pathetic saying this, but I forced the words out anyway.
“I have the right… to think that.”
I drew in a breath so deep my chest ached.
“And I believe you think so too.”
The second the words left me, self-loathing came crashing in. What the hell had I just said?
Before it could become unbearable, he answered.
“Yes.”
Seong Hyunjae’s voice came slowly, evenly.
“I did once care for Han Yujin in a special way.”
…Past tense.
I clenched my fist hard to keep from stepping back. My palm stung.
“So I buried it.”
“…Buried it? What do you mean?”
“I’m tired. Worn thin.”
He said it like he was reciting an old poem.
“Life was long and tedious, and the death I should have reached slipped away along with stolen memories. Even so, I did not stop living. That is precisely why I came to desire its end. As myself. Whole.”
His golden eyes curved slightly. A faint smile rested on his lips.
“But Han Yujin, I began to enjoy life again. Quite a lot, in fact. Like a child. A child surrounded by things that delight him doesn’t think about death. He only waits for time to pass, for tomorrow to come.”
“…Then why?”
I’d felt it too. After meeting the Seong Hyunjae from before the regression, I’d become even more certain of it.
The Seong Hyunjae of the present felt younger than that one. He was genuinely living his life.
“That is exactly why.”
Seong Hyunjae lightly pressed his long fingers to his own chest.
“The ‘me’ that wanted to live would not die. Even if I could not properly control all the power I had accumulated, it was still mine, and it would be influenced by my will. That is why Crescent Moon kept the nearly full me hidden away for so long.”
“Because… you were prepared to accept death?”
“Even with forced immortality, if I broke before I could become a full moon, I would turn into nothing more than a monster, not the new source Crescent Moon wanted. The more exhausted I became, the more carefully Crescent Moon had to handle me.”
So no flaw would appear before the work was complete.
After all, after all those long years and all those piled-up worlds, it wouldn’t be easy to find someone else who could keep hold of themselves through it all.
The more he accumulated, the closer he came to immortality.
And at the same time, the more unstable he became.
“But that changed.”
“…Because Crescent Moon noticed.”
If she had noticed. No—she had noticed. That was why she’d arranged things so I would kill Seong Hyunjae. Because now, even with the Transcendents forcing their way in, he wouldn’t break. He could still be completed as a full moon.
His eyes, smiling without sound, settled on me.
“By burying my feelings for Han Yujin, I recovered my longing for the death I could no longer reach.”
A sharp ache ran through me.
It hurt that things had gotten so bad he had to go that far.
And yet, at the same time, I was honestly glad that I had mattered enough to force him that far.
Even if I’d failed, I hadn’t been wrong.
“Then how…”
“There was the me from before regression. I learned quite a great deal from him. Putting him forward and stepping back myself was also part of deceiving Crescent Moon.”
“…Because the Seong Hyunjae from before regression still wanted an ending.”
“For the present me to participate directly in a game involving the Transcendents would have been too dangerous.”
There was no way Crescent Moon hadn’t been watching. She’d probably been thoroughly confused. Maybe that was why she hadn’t directly interfered during the wager.
“I also practiced dividing myself. Everything accumulated in me is still me, and yet separate as well. Thanks to that, I was able to isolate only my feelings for Han Yujin.”
“Then—”
“The memories remain. But those moments no longer affect me emotionally.”
I looked straight into Seong Hyunjae’s eyes.
The man standing before me now was the same one I’d first met after the regression. Detached. Mildly curious. Nothing more.
“Why didn’t you… No, you couldn’t have told me in advance. But still…”
I’d still been connected to Crescent Moon. I knew that.
But even so.
“There is no reason for me to spare Han Yujin’s feelings.”
Seong Hyunjae’s voice was flat.
“If you had returned to your own world, that would have been the end of it.”
Without a word of explanation.
“Though the ‘me’ I buried wished otherwise.”
“…Wished otherwise?”
“That is why I followed Han Yujin’s lead. Think back. I became small and weak, and let you take the lead—exactly the reverse of how things once were.”
After the Seong Hyunjae from before regression had taken over his body…
That was true.
He had followed my lead, supported me, helped me. Even after entering the dream world, he’d rarely stepped forward first. I had always been the one in front.
That was part of why I hadn’t run, even under his cold gaze and colder words.
Because Seong Hyunjae had trusted me. He’d followed me.
“If things had worked out that way, that would have been acceptable as well. But they did not.”
The word failure still hurt when he said it so plainly.
He really was different.
“So what now?”
“The fact that Crescent Moon exposed me means she judged that I would keep living no matter what happened. But I’ve reclaimed death.”
A chill crept up my spine.
“She’s about to pour prey onto my doorstep. I intend to use that as footing and attempt to digest the existence that has piled up inside me. The odds of success are slim.”
“…And if you fail?”
“Then I will meet the ending I should have reached long ago.”
Seong Hyunjae’s gaze flicked briefly to Song Taewon, who had been standing there silently the whole time.
That was it. I couldn’t hold back anymore.
“You’re saying you’re going to die? That’s your plan?!”
I grabbed Seong Hyunjae by the collar.
The fabric twisted in my hands, but he didn’t budge.
“You said you wanted to live!”
“It is an attempt to live as myself.”
I let out a harsh breath.
And suddenly it hit me that I had no better answer. No plan. Nothing.
But still—
“Chief Song! What about you?!”
I let go of Seong Hyunjae and turned. I crossed the room in a rush to Song Taewon.
His silent eyes looked down at me.
“You know you won’t come out of this unharmed either! Then why—why again, like this?”
“You are a kind person, Han Yujin.”
His voice fell heavy and gentle.
“I, too, was drawn to that.”
“Then why? You said you were going to build a school. You said you were going to help people in other ways too. And…”
I wanted him to do something that didn’t mean punishing himself.
“Yes. Perhaps because you kept insisting I was human, I allowed my fingertips to touch a brief dream as well. But this is my duty.”
“There is no duty that requires you to throw your life away!”
“And I cannot leave him behind.”
The faintest smile touched Song Taewon’s mouth.
“It is an ill-fated bond. But it is also true that I relied on him. The Sesung Guild Master once said that Han Yujin and I were life and death. For me, it is similar. Seong Hyunjae sustained me so that I could remain human. You pulled at me and told me to step beyond that and walk on my own.”
“…I never…”
His dark eyes slowly closed and opened again.
“Perhaps I could continue on as I am. But I am still wavering.”
Song Taewon looked toward Seong Hyunjae.
“I want him to remain whole. The me from before regression likely felt the same way.”
“…Chief Song.”
“I will try to free him again this time. But if it proves impossible, then I hope he can protect himself.”
His voice broke off for a moment, then continued.
“I want to protect him.”
“Chief Song cares for me a great deal, you see.”
Seong Hyunjae smiled.
Song Taewon looked at me warmly. There was more feeling in his eyes than I’d ever seen there before.
“And I want Han Yujin to come through this safely as well.”
“I…”
“Think me a fool, if you must, for being unable to break away.”
For the purpose he had originally been made for.
Maybe, in a way, that would let Chief Song rest. He could stop tormenting himself with hatred and doubt over what he was and simply accept the road that had been set before him.
“No. It’s different.”
I swallowed against the tightness in my throat and forced the words out.
“Like you said, this is about protecting someone. That’s not the same as the reason the source created Eclipse. You’re not becoming what it wanted. You’re staying yourself. All the way to the end.”
“Thank you.”
I shook my head.
No matter what I said, I still wanted to stop them somehow. I wanted to tie them down if I had to.
But I couldn’t think of a single way.
Crescent Moon had exposed Seong Hyunjae because she believed he would keep living. Seong Hyunjae had prepared for that too—if he died, then he’d make sure his will to live would go quiet.
The truth was, it would have been safer to erase his feelings for me from the beginning.
But he had given me a chance.
And I had failed.
Seong Hyunjae wasn’t trying to die.
He was trying to protect himself.
This wasn’t something I had any right to interfere in.
“There’s a high chance Crescent Moon will target Han Yujin as well, but even so, her focus will be on me. There should be an opening.”
“I’ll help too.”
I lifted my eyes and met Seong Hyunjae’s.
“I don’t have a plan.”
I took a step forward.
I was still exhausted. My mind was still blank. But there was one thing I knew with absolute certainty. In the middle of all that darkness, it was the one thing shining brightest.
“I like both of you. So I don’t have a choice.”
Logically, maybe there was no answer.
But what was I supposed to do if I cared?
Seong Hyunjae looked at me for a long moment, then smiled.
“I do value myself.”
“Oh, I know.”
“And I’m not so quick to discard a part of myself, either.”
“What are you—wait. Don’t tell me.”
A part of Seong Hyunjae.
His feelings for me.
His golden eyes softened.
“If I were to trust and rely on Han Yujin once again, then the feelings I buried would return as well.”
“…Wait, hold on! So you’re saying I have to pull the same stunt all over again? Trust and rely on me? Did you actually do that the first time?”
“The memories remain, so wouldn’t that give you an advantage? The emotions may be gone, but rationally speaking, I still think highly of Han Yujin’s accomplishments.”
“Don’t grade people’s lives like they’re homework! Anyway, this means I just have to find a different solution, right?”
“Something like that.”
“Don’t smile. You’re annoying.”
I snapped at him, but I felt relieved.
I also felt a little like crying.
That bastard had trusted me after all.
Even if this backup plan of his was infuriating, it was also exactly the kind of thing he would do, so I let it slide.
I cleared my throat and tried to steady my expression.
“We’re heading to Seoul first, so come downstairs. I’ll go on ahead. If we walk out together, it’ll show on my face.”
As I turned toward the door, Seong Hyunjae grabbed my shoulder.
It was rougher than usual.
He spoke quietly.
“Don’t let your guard down.”
“…As if I would.”
I shook off his hand and left the room.
By the time I’d rubbed at my face and gone downstairs, Yun Yun was there.
“Boss Kim! I’m here!”
“Are you okay?”
Yuhyun stepped forward and asked as Yun Yun waved both arms in a big greeting.
“Uh, yeah. I’m fine. The Sesung Guild Master’s okay too.”
Not that Yuhyun cared about that part.
My brother kept looking at me.
His gaze was oddly sharp.
“Let’s move to Seoul and regroup.”
Even if it was only in a dream, I wanted to go home, settle down, and think.
I still had a chance.
–TL Notes–
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