-chapter 79-
Lilian Karine opened her eyes. The stinging smell of antiseptic filled her nostrils, and the intricately layered wooden ceiling filled her vision.
‘My head…’
Her head still throbbed. Although the shock from the magic attack had been nullified, the impact from the ricochet seemed to linger.
‘At that time, why did I…?’
It was then, accompanied by a languid yawn, that she sensed a presence nearby.
“Are you finally awake? If you had been five minutes later, I would’ve left you here.”
In an instant, her body entered a defensive posture, and her magical energy surged within her. Lilian narrowed her eyes.
“Who are you?”
She could see black hair shimmering like silk in the darkness, with a pair of red eyes symbolizing his clan glowing faintly.
Ludwig, Rain Ludwig.
The one responsible for throwing Lilian into disarray was standing across from her, stretching as if he had just woken up.
“You look okay, though. Still fierce and spirited, I see.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I just came to check on you at someone’s request, it seems I worried for nothing. Forget it, I’m leaving.”
Watching his irresponsibly innocent demeanor and languid gestures filled her with simmering frustration.
“If you came to mock me, then don’t hesitate to laugh!”
It was then that Rain placed his hand on the door to the infirmary, and she couldn’t contain her irritation any longer. His hand froze in place.
“Is it fun? Isn’t it amusing? Just look at me. Ever since you said that to me, I’ve completely fallen apart. You didn’t come just to see this, did you?”
“?”
“I’ve lived with the sole thought of revenging that bastard… but now, I don’t even know what I should do anymore…”
As she poured out the pent-up feelings she had held deep inside, tears—tears she hadn’t shed even once since the age of five—began to flow.
Rain had asked her if she respected her father. If not, why was she walking the same path as him?
That was a question that couldn’t be countered. The moment she heard those words, her mind had gone white with shock.
‘I hated my father that much, yet I’m starting to turn into him?’
What could possibly await her at the end of that path? Was she destined to become a second Da-Dan?
“I just wanted…”
Lilian wiped her unceasing tears as she looked at Rain. He sighed as if he was at a loss.
‘I’m not good at this kind of thing.’
If Ristana or Frieda were here, they would have undoubtedly approached her first, offering comforting words and encouragement to bolster her confidence. But that wasn’t her nature.
She didn’t know how to give such comfort, nor could she.
But if there was something she could offer, perhaps it was the experience gained from living once longer than these juniors.
“We humans cannot choose our past, and that is simply unavoidable. How we are born, what family we belong to… everything follows what one might call fate.”
“But—!”
“But, I tell you, not the future.”
The future… The mere notion of it filled Lilian with an unbearable weight in her heart, squeezing her breath from her chest.
“Stop talking so comfortably! The future? You want me to draw a picture of the future I desire? Do you think you, who was born in a harmonious family, can understand what I’ve been through?”
“……”
“I originally wanted to live that way… ordinary and simply dreaming of the future! Do you think I wanted to be like this?”
Unknowingly, her hand gripped her heart, trembling violently. The echoes of sadness accumulated over the past decade resonated loudly.
“But the blood I was born with… this cursed head of mine refuses to let go… I can never escape until I’m tied up in knots… but you wouldn’t understand…”
Why?
This was the first time she had ever lamented her fate to someone. Why had she said that?
Her life shouldn’t have been one that demanded sympathy from anyone. It should have been like a sacrificial rite, living for atonement and revenge her entire life.
But still, why had she spoken this way? What response was she hoping to elicit?
At that moment, an unexpected voice cut through.
“I know well. I was similar to you.”
What could a privileged heir from a prosperous household in the Empire truly understand? She tried to raise her head defiantly in argument, ready to challenge him.
Yet, as her gaze met his, an ungraspable sorrow reflected in his eyes left her momentarily speechless.
“Maybe I was more miserable.”
Why? How could that be?
As she gazed into the eyes of the boy with an arched smile, those previously uncomprehendable feelings of grief washed over him.
“What’s so wrong with a past filled with pain? That merely means there’s more room to fill with a joyful future.”
Doubt filled her mind. No one had ever looked at her, except for her mother, with such understanding.
The gaze conveyed, ‘I understand you.’ The voice said, ‘I know your pain.’ It conveyed warmth that only a being with true feelings could express.
Because of that, she didn’t want to accept it. She didn’t want to regard those eyes, that voice…
“When it gets too tough, don’t just look ahead; try glancing to the side or behind you. Advice for a junior ends here.”
She couldn’t muster the courage to question the meaning of that smile, nor that of the word ‘junior.’ At that very moment, the door swung wide open, and a horde of people flowed in.
“Lilian!”
“Lilian sister!”
In their white robes adorned with red threads forming a dragon—her peers from the Rivandel clan. They were all young and bright mages.
“We were late because we had to get the headmaster’s permission.”
“That uptight guy nearly refused our visit to the infirmary!”
While the Rivandel cadets eyed Rain with surprise, they offered polite nods before turning their focus back to Lilian.
“Why are you all here…?”
Lilian asked, utterly bewildered. She had always maintained a cool facade, but triggered by her earlier conversation with Rain, her emotions were spilling over.
“What’s this supposed to mean? Of course, it’s natural that we’d be worried about you, you annoying brat!”
“You practically just withheld from embarrassing the Warden family, didn’t you? I know everything! If you had just used your strength properly, that golem wouldn’t have been a problem!”
Since childhood, she had minimized her interactions with others to avoid forming connections.
Yet, she hadn’t completely ignored them either; she used to answer questions from her peers simply about magic.
Because of that, she never harbored ill feelings towards anyone, but she also felt she had not formed any close relationships… just like how Lilin had once been.
“No, I can’t understand. I don’t even know why you came to find me and create such a fuss.”
Upon hearing this, the cadets exchanged glances, blinking in confusion, and then the cheerful young boy exclaimed, still baffled by the situation,
“Big sister, you’re our idol! So, this response is only natural!”
“Why should I be?”
“You’re cool, you’re splendid, you’re capable! You are our pride! Just mentioning your name makes the other sects tremble in fear!”
The oldest among them patted the younger boy’s head and chuckled.
“When you’re showing off your powers, you should use your own abilities, not sell out Lilian.”
Turning to Lilian, he added, “Although the headmaster and elders can’t say much and can’t voice their opinions, there are countless people in this clan who look up to you.”
“?”
“They know how you’ve grown… At first, it could have been sympathy, but now, most of it is respect.”
Is this a deception?
Is this just a trap concocted by that bastard Da-Dan to test me?
No, that couldn’t be.
These guys weren’t skilled enough at acting. And in each expression they wore, she could see—
“So, for now, don’t be impatient. Most of our clan can’t wait for the day you return.”
As Rain quietly stepped aside, leaning against the wall just outside the door, a shiver surged through him, striking a deep chord within him.
– They’re all just waiting for you, Lin, for you to return…
The words of the high priestess, spoken the day he left, echoed through his mind painfully.
‘Look, I knew you were just like me…’
Had I known my peers would show such support, I wouldn’t have made that embarrassing speech. I thought I was more unique than anyone else.
“That’s right! If you don’t get impatient, there’s nothing stopping you from becoming the top again!”
There was no need to explain it to her directly, right? If she was competent, she’d understand the instruction to look around her. There was no need to make it too late, as I found out.
As Rain slipped quietly into the darkness of the corridor, hiding the sorrowful smile that surfaced on his face.
Socrafres.
– You can inherit the progress of ‘unique magic’ from the surrounding environment.
– Progress: 48.1% -> 49.2%.
During those footsteps, he unknowingly sidled closer to the truth, a truth he had long sought after.
* * *
“…Mother?”
Amidst the bustling excitement of the students, Lilian finally spoke up cautiously. The eldest student answered,
“She’s getting better. With you away, the headmaster hasn’t dared to interfere. It’s as if he has absolutely no interest.”
To Da-Dan, Lilian’s mother was merely a tool for birth and education. Thus, she was treated like an object, not a person.
“Really? That’s a relief…”
She sighed in relief, though she couldn’t fully relax. Having lost the top position twice, the madness possessed by that man could lead him to do anything.
“Oh, and there’s something the lady wanted me to tell you, but in secret.”
“My mother?”
“She said not to worry and that you should make lots of good friends and enjoy your school life.”
In the midst of trembling surprise, she mulled over her mother’s message.
‘Friends? Happiness? In my life?’
Caught off-guard by terms she had never dreamed of, she found herself speechless as the eldest lightly patted Lilian’s shoulder.
“You know, if you take too long, you won’t know what kind of words you’ll hear, so we should be off. See you tomorrow, Lilian.”
Once everyone left the infirmary, Lilian sat alone in silence for a long while.
Outside, four moons shed dazzling beams of light, painting the world in shimmering silver.
How long had it been? She caught herself smiling softly, nearly a decade since her last genuine smile.
‘This is insane…’
She would have ignored anyone else saying something similar. She wouldn’t have just disregarded them; she wouldn’t have listened at all.
‘But why…’
Rain’s words seemed illogical to her; they lacked rationality.
And yet—for reasons she couldn’t trace, they resonated deeply, evoking feelings she thought long buried.
– Don’t just look ahead; try turning your gaze to the side or behind you.
– Many people follow you.
– What’s wrong with a past filled with pain? You can fill it with a joyful future.
Deep within her soul, the remnants of resentment appeared to dissolve, and the fog plaguing her thoughts gradually began to clear.
‘I thought that I had to force everyone into submission… that there would be no other path?’
